I am a woman in my 20’s, I like to be social, I enjoy seeing friends and I love dancing like a crazy person to overly loud music. I’m fun on an evening out, although I don’t go on them too often. So why is it that I still hear the same thing every time I say I don’t drink very much?
“You’ve been drunk before though right?”
“You’ll drink a vodka shot with me though yeah?”
“What do you mean you’re driving? Then you can’t drink!”
“Oh don’t be boring, have a drink!”
“Malibu and coke? That’s for teenagers!”
This is a few of the responses I’ve had when I tell people I don’t drink very much. There will be one of three reasons for my drinking habits, either I’m driving so I won’t drink at all, I don’t like many variations of alcohol and don’t enjoy it enough to want to drink much, or I just don’t fancy it. A while ago I wrote a blog post about why I don’t like to get drunk, I received a large amount of positive feedback and I thank everyone for that, but it seems some mindsets can’t be changed.
On an almost weekly basis I have my work colleagues talking to me about why I don’t drink much and rolling their eyes. I see people talking on social media about how people who don’t drink are boring or aren’t to be trusted. So let’s clear one thing up first, just because I don’t drink very much, doesn’t mean I’m boring. I’ll be that sober person dancing my socks off and singing for all to hear, because I like to be silly and I don’t take myself too seriously. It drives me nuts to see people say not drinking is boring, it’s rude and unneeded and untrue!
If you’re someone who thinks people who don’t get drunk are boring, consider that you could be making your friend feel like they aren’t good enough sober, that they aren’t fun enough. Calling someone boring for not drinking isn’t a nice thing to do. It shouldn’t matter to you if someone drinks or not. I’m glad to see the results of this poll on Twitter showed most people still think people are fun even if they don’t drink!
I’m writing this blog post as a reminder to everyone that we as individuals choose what we drink. I do drink, I really like a passion fruit daiquiri, but I like one or two. I don’t want to drink any more than this, I don’t want to feel the sickly feeling in my stomach or not be able to function the next day. I also have a very strong will power, so I’m not easily swayed by peer pressure to drink. I am 24 and I haven’t been drunk. I don’t drink with the intention of becoming intoxicated, I have a drink if I like the taste of it and only for that reason, which is why I don’t drink a wide variety of alcohol.
Don’t pressure people to drink, for any reason
Drinking alcohol is a personal choice and it isn’t as clear cut as I like or don’t like it. Some people can’t drink because of their health, some people don’t drink because of other reasons that they may not want to share with you. Some people don’t like it and some don’t drink for religious reasons. Someone like me just doesn’t want to drink in excess which is fine too! I personally would only drink alcohol because I liked the taste, which is rare and the reason the only few drinks I like are either heavily fruit based or taste much sweeter than something like vodka.
You never know someone’s personal reasons for not drinking. Imagine being the person that is pressuring an ex-addict to pick up a glass. Respect people’s decisions.
If you are someone who enjoys a drink and you want your friends to enjoy that drink with you to the point where you push and push them to drink, ask yourself why. Drinking is considered social, which it is, but it isn’t the only way to be social. It is one thing to offer a friend a drink, but another entirely to push and push when they say no. It’s sad to have to feel the need to write this, especially as the people who would put pressure on and mock and tease may not even be reading this blog post.
I’ve asked people on Twitter to let me know if they have ever peer pressured someone to drink. Most of the times I go out to somewhere that serves alcohol I’m peer pressured to drink more/do shots and I always decline. Someone’s feedback was that when they were younger they pressured others to drink so they didn’t make the bad decision themselves. I think this is a running theme with peer pressure and younger drinking, especially at parities when you’re still of school age. It’s still new and exciting for some, to drink with someone else is less daunting than doing it alone. I’m glad to see most people have not pressured others into drinking alcohol.
Don’t drink and drive, ever. Ever. EVER.
I would like to think that no one would do this, because why would you? It’s stupid! But then I see the news, I see stats, I see that every year roughly 85,000 people are convicted of drink driving offences. I used to work for an Air Ambulance, where I saw first hand the way these accidents affected and at times cost people their lives. I have been around people who think it’s okay to have a few glasses of bubbly before driving, it appals me. Nothing is ever worth your life or someone else’s, if you need to drink that badly, get a taxi or a friend to drive you.
I hate the mentality of ‘oh it’s only one’. There are laws for a reason, if you have had just one, you could still be over the limit. Why risk it?
Don’t make every get together about alcohol
Working in an office full of young people means there are quite a few social events. We have our Christmas party coming up, drinking central. I’ve asked if there will be transport to take us back home afterwards, but was told that money would be better spent behind the bar. Because of this I will be driving to the venue, which is fine, but I’m now going to be surrounded by drunk people making the whole event about the drinking, whilst I’m not going to have a drop. Ironically, the money that could have provided me transport home will be buying other people drinks instead. Funny that?
In some social circles, if you’re heading out in the evening it is assumed they’ll be alcohol involved. The endless work social events that are happening and centre around getting drunk makes my eyes roll. I’ve actually stopped being invited to some because I don’t drink much. I’ve asked if a social could be arranged that’s about the activity and not drinking, but apparently not!
It gets tiring that everything seems to be about alcohol. Why I’m not drinking it. Why I’m driving. Why I won’t just have the one drink. STOP! Stop making everything about whether we drink or not, why not make it about whether we have a good time, whether I’m good company?
I don’t think this is every going to change and I think I’ll be rolling my eyes at people’s reactions to my drinking habits (or lack of) for many years to come. But here is my attempt at making people more aware.
I hate that this is still a thing considering we keep being told how Millennials are drinking less all the time (although those articles tend to add “how boring these kiddies be!” comments to that).
I got a load of pressure to drink, but for health-related reasons I couldn’t. Whether it was teenagers at parties or older colleagues, I was labelled “boring” and “not a team player”. I have even had to ask more responsible members of groups to ensure that my non-alcoholic beverage wasn’t spiked by another person in the group because that would not end well. Yes, I was “threatened” with that a few times because it would be totes hilarious to see the “boring” one drunk.
It’s such a shame that socialising still = alcohol, and that many people still get put out by anyone without a glass in hand. And it’s not just socialising, it’s “professional networking” too.
Good on you for being someone strong enough to know your own mind on this one and be responsible about it.
I hate that it is still surrounded by so much pressure to drink, it just isn’t fair! I hope it stops, but I don’t think it will, so I hope people are strong enough to stick by their own want and not feel they have to bend to peer pressure.
I don’t like to drink because it sets off my IBS, but like you said, it might not be something I want to talk about! Lol
Thank you so much for writing this! I rarely drink (and if I do it’s only one drink) for a number of reasons and I’ve always felt that people think I’m so weird for it. I’ll never understand why some people suddenly see those who don’t drink differently when they find out, like drinking is a personality trait. Your post resonated with me so much and it’s so reassuring knowing there are similar people to me out there.
I completely agree, I hate how I get treated differently when people find out I don’t really drink!
Thank you so much for writing this post Beth. I don’t drink alcohol at all, and never really have. I saw family members who were alcoholics go through withdrawal when I was young and it completely put me off. I’m not ashamed of them as I’m so proud they came through the other side but every time I tell someone I don’t drink, they demand an explanation as to why and I find that incredibly rude. Especially if I’ve only just met that person. I, like you, am happy to go on nights out but often I drive. I feel so happy you’ve posted this to bring more awareness to the fact that it’s fine to not drink but also make me realise there’s more people that don’t that I realise. Sometimes people make me feel like I’m the only one who doesn’t and that it’s abnormal.
You’re definitely not alone Kayleigh. I hate that people always seem to need a reason too, it isn’t fair.
This is what everyone needs to know! I don’t drink now because of health reasons, and am really open about that. And STILL people call you boring or say that I can have ‘just one drink’. Just. No.
I’m very happy that girls night is now usually at someone’s house drinking tea all night long. We feel old (eventhough we’re only 26), but everyone loves it because there are no hangovers the next day. Win-win!
That sounds like a good girl’s night to me, good that there isn’t pressure to drink there!
This is such a good post. Thank you for writing it, Beth. I do not drink alcohol, and it does make me feel uncomfortable that a lot of social events seem to revolve around alcohol, and I hear a lot of people talk about what they got up to while drunk. It gets very tiring to hear!
I couldn’t agree more Stephen, you’re not alone!
Great post and it’s very true. I tend to drink on social occasions and that’s cool because that’s my choice. I’m more comfortable having a few drinks and unwinding and sometimes I want to go crazy with the shots and have a blast… but I know my limits and I can’t drive so it’s never an issue in that sense. I hate it when I’m going out for a work thing and I see my colleagues getting stupid drunk and they always, always regret it come Monday morning because they can’t remember what they’ve done or embarrassed themself in some way and it’s usually because there is such pressure to drink at social events and there shouldn’t be. I feel like maybe it’s part of British culture and it’s expected that you go out and you drink once you’re over 18 and it really shouldn’t be that way.
I do feel like there’s a change coming, though. I’ve noticed a clear divide developing between those who drink and those who don’t and it seems a lot of younger people aren’t for getting silly drunk so you may find you might become part of the cool lot and those calling you boring will be left behind. All I can say is a lot of people saying you’re boring for not drinking obviously haven’t experience the joy of waking up after a night out hangover-free and ready to have a productive day the next day.
Very true! I wish I could see the divide, but at the moment I am very much in the niche sadly!
Excellent post! I am someone who doesn’t like to drink and I get asked all the time why I won’t just “take a sip.” Then when I do drink, it’s a big deal that everyone needs to shout it to the people around. I don’t do well being the center of attention so it’s extremely uncomfortable. Now, it’s easier to avoid going places where I know everyone will be drinking so I don’t have to say no. It’s honestly a shame that people judge you because you don’t drink as if drinking should be the norm.
I know the feeling, I hate that people attach drinking to having a good time. It is possible to enjoy yourself without drinking.
Thank you so much for this post. I have given up excess drinking sticking to a strict limit for a number of reasons. Luckily, my friends don’t mind and are very supportive. It’s much easier than I thought and I’m not sure if I’ll ever get extremely drunk again!
Rachel || http://anotherstationanothermile.com
I’m really glad your friends are supportive!
I’m 46, a life-long non-drinker. I work in IT, where there is a lot of pressure to drink. I’m exceptionally well-paid and senior, so the idea that you need to drink with the bozos to get on is I can assure you a myth.
After having been subjected to unpleasant pressure many, many times in the past, my standard response to invitations now is “I don’t attend events where alcohol is served.” I naively used to try and socialise with people I don’t know well and who drink. Because I honestly didn’t care if they did or they didn’t drink. But I found again and again that it mattered very much to them that I do not drink.
Having been judged so often for my personal choice, I’m more than willing to judge them back. Until and unless people have demonstrated to me that they are more open-minded, I won’t agree to try and socialise with them when they are getting drunk. I’ve never regretted avoiding these events, as there is always some tale of some saddo that let themselves be pressured into getting drunk. One young developer at a company I was working for just in July did this, then left the company right afterwards. Management can’t and never will see the connection. There are none so blind.
I think the culture is worse in England / the UK in comparison to most places. Most social outings do seem alcohol related in some manner here. I do personally enjoy a drink but I don’t think it makes you any less boring if you’re not out getting drunk, it could be argued you’re more boring if you’re only ever ‘fun’ when you’re drunk.
The pressure must get tiresome though. It’s something I try to be conscious of when I’m out and certainly when it has come to buying a round of shots I’ve been known to ask the bar staff to include a shot of water for the non-drinkers. Admittedly that probably does seem boring as far as shots are concerned but keeps it inclusive for everyone rather than have one individual in a group left out 🙂
10 years later, people who say that, some of them might become alcoholics.
Of course nobody thing they will become one. It will be someone else. Not them.